The Complete Works Page 4

  All the time he remained cold and indifferent to these temptations: he was quite content to be able to produce his pauper's identity-card which he just happened to have on him that day and which, among other exemptions and advantages, conferred on him the right to squat on his haunches on the branch of a tree absolutely free of charge and for as long as he liked.

  Nevertheless, to show that he did not bear them a grudge and to give them at the same time a proper lesson in tact and urbanity, he climbed down, drew his sword and waded into the muddy and polluted lake nearby in which he swam rabbit-wise for almost an hour; after that the commission, humiliated and embarrassed, scampered as fast as it could over mountains and fields, spreading fiscal pestilence through every village and town.

  Grieved and disappointed by the number of bad experiences he had suffered, he counted his coppers once more and then clambered back to his perch, only this time smiling perversely he flapped and strutted over the entire tree.

  Later on, truly sorry for what he had done, yet certain that morally he had profited greatly, he came down, dried himself on a tape-measure, and humming the hymn of liberty he thrust the hen under his frock-coat and disappeared into the darkness.

  It is thought that he may have travelled towards his native town where, sick and tired of his long bachelorhood, he may well have decided to set up house with the hen and thus become a benefit to his fellow men by teaching them the art of midwifery.

  A BIT OF METAPHYSICS AND ASTRONOMY

  AN UNFINISHED ESSAY

  It is simply not true — the symposium said with one accord — that in the beginning the "word came from God" or that "God was the word." In the beginning — the drinking party reaffirmed — before there was any "word", there was only the "deaf-and-dumb alphabet"; for surely it is hard to believe that cosmic substances and matter could have learnt straight away to express anything at all; they may not even have been able to ask to be excused or even to say "papa" or "mama". Most probably — the diners went on — the heavenly bodies took shape neither by God's munificence, nor from their own urge to spin and thus create something out of nothing merely for the sake of turning round and round, nor from gaseous solids. It is more likely that they were neither created nor uncreated: nobody's children, born of accurate or inaccurate calculations, in installments, with sweat and toil; in addition, insufficiently nourished at the Heavenly Maternity Clinic with milk mixed with soda water by the dairymaids of the Milky Way.

  Even admitting that they spin only for their own amusement, it is still difficult to suppose that their motives are entirely disinterested, without the intention of making the slightest profit. Surely it would seem rather ridiculous for anyone to gyrate forever and ever, free of charge, just to be seen by others...

  —Whaaat? Mean and selfish interests among the heavenly bodies? naïvely protested the ideologically-minded plebs, waiting outside in the courtyard for the verdict.

  The crowd had good reason, and yet no reason at all for being so apprehensive...

  In fact, who in the first place could have impelled matter and the cosmic force into becoming something when they, in their turn, by destroying themselves or simply by handing in their resignations, could at any time have compelled the "something" to become the "nothing"?...

  Then again, who among us can complain that the primordial force, the Cause of all causes, may never be attained or discovered, when everybody is striving to reach it from the start, or from behind, and nobody ever attempts to cover it, for a moment, or to catch it on the hip at least once?

  And what is the good of fighting to discover a cause, the sole and primordial cause, when unfortunately causes are at the same time effects; and these in turn bring about other effects which are diabolically manifold and tangled?

  What then is the point of our seeking a single cause, this initial, generative force which we feel must exist, when it is itself so stubbornly determined to produce nothing but multiplicity? It thirsts for multitudes, for complexities and contradictions; it needs millions of people, flies, sponges, monsters, stars — all at a price of great suffering and inconvenience to them. It also needs "trunk-fish" and "sawfish", and swallows numbers, distances and high speeds, with no purpose or necessity...

  CHRONICLERS

  A FABLE

  The story goes, some chroniclars

  Were badly needing some shalwars.

  And so they begged of Rapaport

  To issue them with a passport.

  But Rapaport beloved by all

  Was much too busy playing ball.

  Unaware that Aristote

  Has never seen a stew in pot.

  "Galileo! Galileo!"

  He would shout and he would bellow,

  "Please stop pulling by the ear

  Your old boots of yesteryear."

  When promptly from his French frock-coat

  A synthesis old Gali brought,

  And all he said was:"Sarafoff,

  Have a potato and be off?"

  MORAL

  The pelican or the pelicaness.